In an Open Field

March 10, 2012- Watching over a football game when suddenly someone special got injured. I was in a distance that he didn't know that I was there. I wanted to come near him to atleast try to comfort him though I know I can't do anything.  I just wanted him to feel that I am there, supporting him. That atleast letting him feel that I wanted to be with him in whatever that he does; in whatever that interests him. Yet, ofcourse I can't. Seems pitiful yet I would submit to this reality. Yes, it is really frustrating, and depressing that you wanted to do something that you know you can do but you just really can't; in a way that you really have the right to.

When I saw him in pain, I felt the pain. I felt the pain he exactly feels but the pain of the distance that sepearate us; the distance that isn't measured by miles, yet a distance that is abstractly defined for a person like me. I felt tha pain inside my heart for I can't do what I wanted to do for him.

Is this love? I do not know. I have all the reasons to leave him. I have all the reasons to forget him. He even gave me and told me to do so. I should have done that. I should. But no matter how many reasons that I have, I only have one reason which is clear to me why I am still here trying to wait and hope (though it seems really silly and pitiful), and that reason is LOVE. Well, I hope and prayed that this emotion will find its natural death through the pain that I am struggling for two years now. Look how silly it is. But still I am hopeful, I started doing the first step then, when I tried to have a distance, like I had hibernated for a while. I hope I can be able to do it again and I hope it is for good. It is my birthday wish...to freed my heart.

Before I go, I went over the church which is in front of the field, and asked for God's guidance and intervention. I am in pain and only God knows how to heal it.