Christmas is a time of hope and joy. This is why I am still hopeful and still looking at the brighter side of everything for me to find joy. But then sometimes, I find it tiring this way but I know this is life and I can't get rid of this.
I tried to find a break through a trip I had with my cousins. It was fun and relaxing. I hope it never ended but of course the tour was only for 3 days and I am now back to reality. I am now again here facing the problems I left.
You may wonder what I am referring, well, it's about stuffs at home. same old things. same old sentiments....and it is tiring. I am not tired of giving myself for them. I know it is what God wants me to do, to serve my family and provide them what they need. But it is always frustrating that you have given your part, your share, yourself, yet they will make you feel it is not yet enough. Here comes my sentiments. I almost given everything, and still they want to have even what you keep for yourself. I do save somethings, because I know, when time comes and you'll need them, you have none but yourself. Sabi ko nga kay mama,
"Sabihin mo nga kung sino malalapitan ko kapag ako yung nangailangan? Wala diba? Sino yung tutulong sa atin? Wala din naman akong maasahan kundi yung sarili ko."
I'll leave the issue here.
Is it bad to sometimes want to receive anything from them as a piece of token after a whole year of hardwork and perseverance? Is it too much for me to ask for that? Well, I won't ask if they've nothing but I know they have something, and if only they want, they will at least remember me. What saddened me most is that, they even share what they have with others who have even done nothing to them And one more, I really hate gambling. They have money now, but gamble them rather help me with our expenses! I just really can't voice it out coz if I did, I'll be a "masama at walang pagmamahal na anak." Well I heard it already. "(Ako na yung walang pagmamahal at walang kwenta.) I pity myself. This is what I always got. Do you think I deserve all these? I think I don't. But God, I still wish for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Help me forget all the pains that I have and guide me always.Out of home stuffs, I am still missing something... I know I am missing a part of my heart. I honestly look back all those who in one way or another captured my heart. But I know, any of them, I am not in their heart. well, that's reality, and it's sad. I admit, there are still people from the past who are still special and loved. If any of them will come and confess love, he might gain my heart again. But well, I won't insist. I just love on my own. Anyways, I still do not know if he will really fit the missing part of my heart. I do not want another heartbreak again...I've been crashed and torn a lot of times. Another heartbreak might be fatal. But then again I pray, that God will lead me to the man who will love me more than enough to make me stay for the rest of his life. And I solemnly pray for this.
Thanks to you my online blog for letting me express this cause I know people might get tired of hearing my tiring stories and sentiments...And I do not want to kill joy, cause I know everyone is busy preparing for the Christmas day. I've no one to talk to. Thanks blog.
love,
Josha =)
