Is love sweeter the second time around?

Kanina tinanong ako ng isang kaibigan, ano daw ang gagawin ko kung bumalik sya? Hindi ako kaagad nakasagot. ang sabi ko na lang.."Di ko alam. Hindi ko talaga alam. =("  Sabi ko din, di ko alam kasi di ko na iyon iniisip man...ni ayoko ng damhin. Sa loob ko'y wala naman din naman iyong saysay dahil alam kong wala ng ganoong posibilidad, hindi man sa akin. Dama ko, sa kanya.

Nasabi ko din, di ko po alam kasi di ko pa naramdaman na may bumalik. Parang pag tinuldukan na nila ay, wala na talagang babalik. Kaya di ko alam kung "Love is sweeter the second time around."

Ewan ko ba. Basta ang alam ko, hinding hindi ko sinasara ang pintuan ng aking puso, dahil alam kong darating din ang isang araw na may papasok dito, na kahit gaano pa kaluwang ang pintuan, ay hindi gugustuhin ng taong ito na umalis pa. Mananahan sya sa aking puso at mabubuhay doon habang buhay kasama ko. Darating iyon. Alam ko. At pagsapit ng takdang panahon, malugod ko syang sasalubungin at hahagkan. At sasabihing, matagal na matagal na kitang hinihintay. =)

good night. I love You Lord.

Nanung daptan Mu?

Emu man kailangan sungkitan

Ding batuin mangislap king banua 

Ing gawan mong kwintas, ecu iti adwanan

Dapot magdatun ca lele cu anggang ikata tumwa

Emu man kailangan idaun ing bulan

Ban ing bengi ku kekang suluan

Ing sulu, ecu man buring sarilinan

Dapot ing kayabe daca, sala yang alang capupusan

Emu man kailangan iyapag ing migit king bie

Idaun kaku ding dakal a bage-bage

Ampong pasayan king sobra sobrang luhu

Dapot ing "IKA" mu, migit ka pa king metung a gintu.

Emu man kailangan mamye pangaku

Ampong mangamanung mipnung yumu

Ban akit mu ku mung titiman pusu

Dapot istu na ing kumabie ku cayabe mu.

Mayumung paninap pu.

 Mayumung paninap pu

SAYANG

E me wari iquit itang batuin

Queng banua macabitin?

Eme wari abatyon itang bulan

Mamantabe queca queng caralumduman?

Eca wari mesigla queng aldo a masala

Uling iti queng masanting magpagaca?

Eme wari selubungan yng malambis a angin

Queng lub mamye capaldanan ampong santing.

Sayang..sayang uling emu icwang iquit

Yng lugud a tune queng riquit

Sayang..pepabren mu

Sayang at binili mu cu.

aug 18.

josh

I want to shout and cry out loud! I am super sad. Oh God! Please help me.

Tita Paulette....

Gazing the sky, this lovely night

Stars twinkle, the moon so bright

Though the dark sky obstructs my sight

I found you, sharing your light.

Seldom in evening, I found the way clear

For every walk, I discover fears

And yet I passed and found you there

Brought hope with your love and care.

We walk in life, you are beside me,

A new friend, a new family, an auntie.

In this complex and sophisticated journey

I know you’ll be my loving company.

You share a smile each passing day

You give hope in this blurry way

Strengthen me; you still want me to conquer

Make me courageous, I should never surrender.

That is how you want me to be

To fight and survive the heavy blue

You reminded me that dreams still come true

And soon will paint town with colorful hues.

In person, we still never meet

But then our stories become so deep

And yet we hope to give embraces

Just to see that we hold happy faces.

Virtual, it is called

Time will tell and unfold

That what we have are real like gold

So precious, so lovely...it won’t get old.

After our roads crossed, never will I meet you again

Never again, since that very day

For you are now kept in my heart

And I will be with you and we’ll never part.

May you find my heart’s sincerity

In every word I share is fidelity

That when I love, I’ll love for real

I’ll be your niece, in our heart, and that’s a deal.

I love you Tita Paulette!

Madalas gusto ko na lang umiyak sa mga pagkakataong nararadaman at naalala ko na wala na sya sa buhay ko.   Minsan yun na lang ang kaya kong magawa. Dahil alam kong nagawa ko na ang lahat. Minsan nakakalungkot..minsan nakakapanlumo..minsan nakakasira ng loob. pero madalas ganun lang talaga.

ACCEPTANCE

Acceptance... Acceptance will make things easy. I've known this from the very start. But no matter how you try to make things easy..you still feel the pain.. what you really needed is to tolerate the pain until it hurts no more. ...until it hurts no more... =(

A friend told me that I do not need to sob because of pain. and yet I should learn from the pains and failures in life. from there I can start and make things better.

I do not know how to go on with this blog article yet I do not find myself confined with one thought...I am shattered with different thoughts and emotions. I started writing about acceptance coz I simply want to reiterate it over and over to myself....when all i want to do is to refrain my self from crying..from hurting...

There still questions on "what went wrong" yet I haven't find concrete answers or should I say, I refuse to accept what is really wrong. Well maybe...but things should be uttered to make it clear...and free from doubts... 

I know I also went wrong.. But I believe it always takes two to tango...I am not the sole responsible for this. I've given my sorry. I've done my part..but I think this is what I deserve. Or else, things aren't for me now...

Bottomline, at the end of the day, I just want to make myself free from pain and so with acceptance... I just want to love more...and hopefully to someone who can love me more. Because that someone can understand me,,my flaws, my imperfections, my childishness, my sensitiveness, my expressiveness...all my negatives.  

I'll wait....

i love him still...yet i really need to let go... i love you hon... 

Give thanks...

Be thankful to all the things that come along your way...even the smallest..even the hardest..even the unacceptable... whatever it is, offer them to God. For God created them for a purpose...as we offer things, we have to acknowledge that God will truly intend us to be a better person for all the spices, bitterness and sweetness in life. In everything, we have to give thanks.

Paul and I

Thank you Lord for the trials in our relationship. despite things are still unclear...despite things are painful..I know Your will would be our destiny. Though the our road isn't smooth, I would like to thank You, Lord, that You've given me enough strength to stand over my decisions and principles..I thank You Lord that before things happened like this, You have made me trust you more. Thank you Lord that despite the hardship and pains, You have given me the happiness of being in-love.. Thank You for making me believe in Love again. Thank You for making me love Paul with all my heart and accept him... That despite these, I still love him and I know the love I have for him will both set us free to what You destined us to be. I know if he is the one You made for me, Your gracious way will lead him back to me. ...thank You.

my family

Thank You Lord, for giving me loving parents who showstheir love for me in their simple ways. I know they can't provide me with the luxury of material things in life, but they can give me the privilege to enjoy the luxury of having a loving parents. Thank You Lord for giving them as the greatest blessing I can ever receive from You... To You I bring back the glory by assuring You that I will be with them..supporting and loving them through thick and thin. Thank You Lord for the responsibility, I know You have a big trust with my capacity.

my college friends

kitchen superstars

Thank You Lord for
giving me wonderful friends, whom I know I can count on. Thank You for giving me true friends that makes me feel that I am loved by so many lovely people around me. Thank You also for those false and suspicious people who try to pull me down. Those who pretend to be my friends and yet at the end of the day, I realized I am betrayed. But thank You Lord for these people, they make me learn that I should not trust everyone but to give my trust mostly to You. Thank You to my friends in college, in UST, in school, and on the other organizations that I belong... Thank You also to other friends whom do not belong to any group by I know I've got them as my friends. Thank You Lord.

my friends in school

Thank You Lord for all the works and loads that i have to surpass in my profession. I know these tasks will make me a better person. Just this week You entrusted me with two new and big tasks to fulfill, to be the adviser of the Future Educators Society, our college student council, and to be the Chairman of the Extension Unit Services of our College. The former is hard for things here are very controversial yet I accepted this for I know I can make changes for the betterment of the organization...give me strength. The latter is a big task, for it entails passing the accreditation for our college. Give me more knowledge, strength and wisdom.

my UST classmates

Thank You Lord to all the problems that I surpassed, surpassing, and will surpass. Thank You for all will be the spices in this life. rest assured that i will savor them to the fullest. Thank You Lord for these will make me a better Josh. Thank You

Thank You for always making me realize that I am never alone with these people and most especially with You. Thank You Lord for everything. You know I do not need to tell you my wants, but I am assured that You will always give me what I need...and to that, I will always be thankful.

school friends!

oath taking 

tita tess..thank you for supporting and loving me. i love you.

tita paulette thank you for always talking to me...for the words that comfort me..for the love.thank you. I love you

My Tita's

Tita Tess

In this journey where I need someone to accompany and support me, i find these two lovely ladies to be my source of strength and inspiration to continue and to be hopeful of another day.


My Tita Tess and Tita Paulette are not my biological aunties, yet they are Paul's closest titas.  It is comforting to talk to them coz I am like talking to Paul..I am talking to people close to Paul's heart that makes me be a little closer to Paul. But most of all, I find it very soothing  because I found them very sweet, loving, caring and supportive. I am lucky to have known such lovely people.

I just wish that whatever happens between me and Paul, I wish to keep these two, for they become not only close to my heart, but they are in my heart already. I love Tita Tess and Tita Paulette. Though Paul and I is on a rocky road, I am still thankful to him that through him, I was given other people to love. It is very fulfilling to share yourself loving people around you...loving beautiful and lovely people. God is good, He did not only give me the happiness of having Paul, yet He also gave me another family. I still do not know where these journey will lead us, but again I hope and pray, I'll keep Tita Tess and Tita Paulette.

Tita Paulette

Tita Paulette and Tita Tess, thank you for everything. Thank you for being there esp during these tough days. Thank you for giving me hope and strength through your words. Thank you for being my comfort zone... Thank you for being God's angels  for us. I wish that someday we'l see each other. I love you so much and will always do. Whatever happens, I'll always be here.

I love you! Please Tell Paul that I love him too. thank you so much.

enanaku nanaman mipaindatun... mababagabag ne nanaman ing kakung pusu. pantunan dakang pasibayu. buri dakang kaulan matigic. buri kung sabyan na sana inglugud mu mibalic... pero nanung akarapat ku nung enaka bisang tumagun king awus ning kakung pusu na tutung magmalun.

kaluguran daka Paul. kaluguran a kaluguran...nung akakit mu man na maili ku at ekumatitinag, ala ngan katutwan. uling egana ganang ayli at timan, king asbuk mu mayayakit, subucan meng lawen ing kakung mata, karin akit mu na sobra la kalungkut...lawen me ing kakung pusu.kyak kyak ya. =(

amimiss ku ing balang aldong apapakaili mu ku
ding balang oras sa sasabyan mung kaluguran mu ku
amimiss ku din ding balang aldong akakawul daka
at asasabi ku king arap mu na kaluguran daka

amimiss ku lang akakit ding ayli king mata mu
potang kayabe at lalon muku.
amimiss ku na ing egana gana keka
uling ika ing magpasaya kanaku.

kaluguran da ka parin,sana apantun mu ing dalan pabalik kanaku. =(

Pasibayu mu Cung Caulan

E wari ana canyaman

Yng lulugud at timan-timan?

E wari atyu yng capaldanan

Potang luluguran daca naman?

E wari na cayumung tanggapan

Potang yng bage bage pisasabyan?

E wari yta yng cailangan

Para yng pamiyabie mipnu yang sicanan.

E mucu wari dimdam yng cacung simbitlan?

Emu wari dimdam nung macananu dacang caluguran?

Emu wari pequilasan, yng yumu ning casuyuan?

Emu wari tinggap na yti queca ya iyampang?

Sara me yng mata mu

Maquiramdam ca queng pusu mu

Laco mu yng tacut

Queng pusu mu sasalicut

Cabang macapiac,

Queng pusu mu carin mu pantunan

Yng lugud at catutuan

Ning quecatang picasunduan.

Emu isipan yng capagsubucan a quecatang daralan

Dapot yng pengacu ta yang gawan mung sicanan

Ban eca tumacut na yng problema arapan

Uling e sulusyun yng bigla mucung gulutan.

Yng lugud nung tutu meng daralan

Gang nanu ya man yng capagsubucan

Enaca man agyung ibalag at siran

Maniwala camu at pasibayu mucung caulan.

Tomorrow I'll be fine

If you can't find the smiles
And tears run over my eyes
Do not ask the reason why
Of these pains that make me cry.
My heart longs for you
and that makes me blue.

Tomorrow I'll be fine. I might have to make myself believe that it ended this way. I might have to give up. I might...and hopefully I can make this. It's hard really. To fall in love and repeatedly fall out of it and find out that no one is there to catch you. Its hard to fall inlove over and over again and break your heart repeatedly. It's hard but I never lose hope for fighting makes me the real soldier of this battle called life.

I might not have what I want but definitely God knows what is best for me...

I have to offer these pains again. Lord carry me with your loving arms...bring back the smiles which was taken by this pain. Lord, I love him but if he is not for me, then I have to trust You. Tonight, I give up. Tonight, I've to totally set free. I won't hope...

Thank You Lord for giving me a month of hope and love. Thank You for teaching me to love again. Thank you Lord for making me feel loved once more. Thank You Lord for giving me these pains for I know You still want to make me stronger... Thank You Lord for giving me these failures for I know You want me to enjoy success once I achieved it. Thank You Lord for my tears, they make my vision clearer. Thank You Lord for breaking my heart, I know You want me to be whole again. I know after these rainy days comes a rainbow that will bring colors into my life. Thank You Lord for entrusting me al these challenges...I believe You have a big trust in me.

para keka

Emu balu nung makananu kasakit ing daramdaman kung ini. Eku antindyan bakit emu man buring pisabyan. Eku antindyan nung bakit emu ku buring arapan. Aku bang miki kasalanan? Palage mu kaburyan ku ini? Palage mu kaburyan kung manasakit?

Ana ku kasakit pakiramdam karening oras na emuku paksabyan...ot emunaku mu diretsuan.Ot emunamu tuldukan nung keka iting tatanggpan? Nung emu naku kaluguran, at emunaku agyung luguran pa, eku naman apagpilitan ing sarili ku keka... Buri ku mung abalu nanu ku talaga keka... Emu naku wari kaluguran? Nukarin naku wari king pusu mu?

sabyan mu naman kaku nung nanung panandaman mu...sabyan mu kaku makisabi kung mayap. kaluguran daka tandanan mu yan. at nung ekuman ikwang aparamdam keka, pasensya naka...pasensya naka nung king isip mu masyadu dakang pasakitan...pasensya naka nung palage mu dakal ku panintunan...ali mu sana lalon king makanitang paralan, uling ing buri ku mu naman ing maging matibe kata pamiyabe...itang ating kalidad kabang dadalan ing panaun.

kaluguran daka paul...kalwat kung penayan ing datang ka king bie ku...masaya ku uling kaht king ditak a panaun liguran daka at liguran muku...at asahan mung agyang nanu pang malyari, abe na ka king bie ku...sana mu dinan mung lugal king pusu mu ing apisabyan ta ini.

Hon Ko

Hon Ko, balik ka na ulit sa akin..ang hirap hirap na,...ang sakit sakit na...T_T

I am so sad cause I have these fears that you may not come back again..

I love you..and will always do. May you find me worthy for your heart.