I do not know how to end and start the day without him saying goodnight and good morning...And I miss that now.=( T_T
I know it was my choice yet, it doesn't mean I am not hurting..I am hurting a lot because what I did is not what I want...that maybe what we need. For us to know how we really value each other. I thought even though we just simply shared little moments together, shared little time yet, I thought, it would be easy..but for me to realize that it is not like what I expect. The past days, I sleep not because I am sleepy yet because I am tired crying...and it doesn't end there...even in my dreams I cry...and wake up in the morning crying too... The worst was during the first morning, I woke up because I was crying..I just do not know but I woke up simply because I've lots of tears in my eyes..that makes me ask my self if I ever stopped crying that night.Well, I can simply utter...well, I love this man..I love Paul.But I do not hold the chance of making things work again. No matter how I want to make him back, I still need to wait for him if ever he finds my worth in his heart. And if in case, he wan't able to find me valuable, then I must accept that I made the right decision...But I want him to prove me wrong..I want him to tell me that I am wrong..that I am worthy to be hold, that I am worthy to be loved...that I am worthy to be with him... I do not demand..all I want is for me to realize that I am his girl..that I am his love...that I am worthy to be with him... All of these aren't demands..they are what I should have... Paul, please prove me wrong..
I love this man, but if I just do not want to tolerate what is wrong between us. There is something wrong...we have to admit...and we should work for it...and if we can't then, we can't go far. And if no one is willing to make things better, then we can't have the best from each other.
Never did I be so stiff, that i can't forgive.. Never did I was impatient because I was able to wait for so long long before he came. Never did I was able to sacrifice, because I was able to love unselfishly...Never did I become so selfish, because i was able to give my heart.
I wish he may find in his heart that I still love him.That I do not want to make things hard, but I simply want to make things right. I hope he will understand the way I think will make us strong if we can surpass it. I hope...I hope and I pray a lot. So much.
I am leaving my fate to God with my wholehearted faith. I am asking Lord to go between us always, that he may be our center so we can always find the right path towards each other...Lord, to you I ask and I know you'll give the best answer for me. Thank you.
