I listened to songs and yet I can't find any to suit my harmony.Maybe I am just too saturated to have one for me. I already wrote a lot and yet I can't find the most appropriate verse to express exactly what I feel. I do not even know if writing this will really make me feel at least ok, if not fine.I've so much problems right now that cause me to feel such things. I do not want to be sad for I know God is with me as I come into these struggles. I've no work right now. Literally, I am unemployed. I am told to be a professional and yet where am I now? I always suffer unemployment every semestral break, Christmas break and summer break. well, some say that is the time for me to rest. I know i should, but when I look back and look at the these people who depends on me, I cannot control myself but to find it hard. My family, my lola and tita depends on me. You know what is hard at this point? I just can't find myself seating beside them because I am ashame that i cant give them what they need or I am just to afraid to hear all the things that we need and I know I can't provide them. You know what is harder? It is harder when these people ask something from you and you can't hand them any. And you know what is the hardest? It is when you hear them saying insensitive words telling me that I am nothing. Well, this is what I got after all.
Some say, I have to wait for some time for my time will come. I have to give more patience. There's no problem with me, it is just that how long will I wait for me to give my family a comfortable life? How long will I spend restless days just to provide them at least what we need.
I pray that God will light my way and show me the right path. I am almost losing hope and losing my vision for what I really want to do. I want to stay with my work, or rather find others. I want to stay here in the country because I want to stay with my family. I also want to consider going outside, for me to find a better opportunity. I just want to know what to do. I want to find myself.
Going on the other side. I am tired...of meeting people. ..of knowing them and hope that maybe one of them will be the answer to my prayer. I am interested to know some but most of the time I ended nothing bringing with me the broken hope. Now, people come again. I am really afraid to what it might cause. I want to try but at the end of the day, I am reminded of how people betrayed my trust and how they trashed my hope easily. I am really afraid. I just wish one day, they will really find time to know me first. They will see and find me worth fighting, worth achieving and worth treasuring. I hope they will see that I am a no stronger person so they will find ways to take good care of me. You know why? Because I am almost tired taking good care of other people while nothing is left for me. I am almost tired taking good care of my self. I am tired when all I wanted is to love and be loved.
