Tunay na Laban

Sa susunod na linggo, magsisimula ang tunay na laban na alam kong hindi ganoon kadali. Isa itong malaking pagsubok sa aking larangan na kailangan kong maging mahusay. Maging mahusay para sa mga mag-aaral, mahusay para sa aking unibersidad, at para sa aking sarili. Ngunit, hindi iyon magiging madali. alam kong hinding hindi.

Maituturing kong napakalaking karangalan ang magkaroon ng pagkakataon magbigay kaalaman sa mga guro ng sususonod na henerasyon. Ako ay mayroong pagkakataon na maging guro ng mga studyante na nangangarap ding maging guro. Kasabay nito ay isang malaking responsibilidad at pagsubok. Isang madibdibang pag-aaral ang kailangan kong gawin. dahil napakahirap ng mga ituturo ko. hai...

Sana matapos ko ang isang semester ng matagumpay. Ito ay aking dalangin.

Alin nga ba ang mas madaling tanggapin?

Kahapon habang ako'y papuntang Maynila, muli nanamang naglakbay ang aking makulit na puso at isip at muling nagkaroon ng katanungan. Alin nga ba ang mas madaling tanggapin kapag nasira ang isang relasyon? Mas mabuti pa bang maghiwalay na alam nyong may pagmamahalan pa ngunit hindi sya kayang ipaglaban at isama sa pangarap mo sa buhay, o mas mabuti bang maghiwalay dahil sinabi nya na hindi ka na nya mahal.

Noon, pinili ko yung una, dahil sa sa una, alam mong may pag-asa. Pero sa paglipas ng panahon, naisip ko, mas mabuti pa sana kung ipinagtapat na lang yung totoo, wala ng pagmamahal, o nagbago na yung pagmamahal niya. Dapat ito na ang pinaniwalaan ko noon pa kasi ito na yung totoong nakikita ko ngayon. Siguro nga, mababaw na dahilan yung una upang bigla ka na lang bitawan. Hinid naman ganoon ang pagmamahal kahit gaano ka praktikal ang realidad.

Malapit ng mag-apat na buwan, pero para kamakailan palang. Natututo na akong humakbang papalayo sa sakit na dala ng hiwalayan, pero may mga pagkakataon pa rin na hindi ka makagalaw. Ngayon, kahit masakit pa rin, lubos ko ng naiintindihan na wala ng dahilan pa upang maghintay o umasa. Akala ko noon, distansya lang ang pagitan, ngunit ngayon, kahit gaano na iyon kalapit, lubhang mahirap ng maabot kapag puso na ang lumayo. Di ko na sya maabot...di ko na sya mahabol...dahil sobrang layo na ng kanyang naihakbang mula sa lugar kung saan kami naghiwalay.

Maramingmga bagay na ang hindi ko kayang ipaliwanag at maraming bagay na din ang gumugulo sa akin. Pero ayoko ng manatili pa dito. Kailangan ko na talagang bilisan ang mga hakbang upang ako'y hindi mapag iwanan. Ngunit, akin ding naiintindihan na kung sino man ang tunay na nagmamahal sa aking, kahit gaano pa ang agwat ng aming nailakbay, kung ako'y nauuna, ako'y hahabulin, at kung siya naman ang nasa unahan, handa siyang bumalik upang ako'y samahan.

In God's Arms,, He may Rest.

I can still remember the last time we talked, I wan waiting for the tricycle to bring me in the farm. You offered yours and brought me there. I can still feel the sincerity of your words. I can still remember how much you are proud of me. I can still remember how happy you are for my personal achievement and relationship. One thing, sorry Tito, I lied. I never said I was broken. I just do not want other people to know. I never know that will be our last time to talk and see each other. I'll miss you and even the smallest kindness you have for us. I cried now that we brought you in your real home, in God's arms. People will definitely miss you.

I pray in God's lovely and merciful hands, he will save his soul and take good care of him. May Tito Arthur rest in peace.

Everybody is Entitled for a Second Chance

Mistakes are often in life of uncertainties
When decisions are taken despite of risks;
When life have sometimes fall to stupidity
And never realized it was never that easy.

Mistakes are there, when we are bound to learn
When experiences are there to gain.
When life sometimes aims for maturity
And never tend to weakens our sanity.

Mistakes are life-twined destiny
Once you had, you should never pity;
But rather live a life that glows
For these are things that will make us grow.

Mistakes are there for realization
That life is never for perfection
Where we are just God's lovely creations
Whose perfection lies in our imperfections.

Mistakes are there to encourage us
Instead of breaking our hearts into pieces
To let us value life's meaningful choices
And taste the fruit of our act's circumstances.

Mistakes will only be mistakes,
If we never learn from them,
If we let them ruin ourselves,
And if we continue to let them happen, again and again

Mistakes entitle us for a second chance.
To stand and be strong
To prove you've learn from wrong
And to appreciate a life taking wise decisions.


Josh
May 22, 2010
10:00 AM

A Poem for the Moon and the Star(Venus) of May 16, 2010

The Moon and the Star(Venus) of May 16, 2010 -josh

I wish to find a LOVE as lovely
As the moon and the star
At the very chanting night
Of the 16th of May

I wish to find my star
Who watched over me
As I am his moon
In the divine night sky.

I wish to find my star
Who kissed me
And never leave
Though I AM NOT FULL.

I wish to find a star
Who stays with me
And accompany me
Despite the darkness of the night.

I wish you are my star as I am your moon
We'll be shining over the world
And let people see how our love shines
Together in the dimness of sky.



-josh
May 16, 2010
7:50PM

I Never Asked

I do write what I feel. I do shout to the whole world how much I am pained. for these are my only ways for me to ease the pains. My ways may not be your ways, and yours may not be mine. But if you dont understand. And if you do not want to listen,; well no one asked you to. If i am not understood, I know I really can't make people to understand. If in case what I feel isn't consistent, it isn't my fault. It just that things are not that easy to let go and there are things that keep on coming back even though I would want them to go. What I feel now may be complicated. But I really wanted to let go, it is just that I need more time to heal. It is not just a wound in the knee taken when children play, the pain I have is deeper...and only time can heal it.

I never asked people to understand but at least respect what I feel. I never asked people to criticize, cause it wouldn't help me. I never asked people to comfort me, cause I know people mind their own problem. I never asked people to love me back, cause I know it isn't something asked, it is something selflessly given.=)

A great career break!

I've got an interview yesterday and I know this is one of the biggest career break I am looking and praying. I wish and pray a lot of luck to this new challenge! I am happy, I will be hired now! I will be given a chance to prove myself once more.

Three

Three months now, and I am still counting. All the while I thought I have taken a big step in moving on not until now. I never thought I'll cry again as hard as the first months. I never thought that a single thought of him, a single word from him would shatter all my left strength which I tried to hold as I take my way to move forward. It breaks me once more...and I know it will continuously break me...

I know I should have moved on. It is three months now since my heart was broken. It is a rocky road. I should have healed my heart. I thought I did. I thought I was able to bring back the smile in my face. But they seemed to be masks that conceal what I truly feel. Because every night there are still dreams of him. Every night there are still tears and I can still hear myself calling his names. It is as if he can hear me. it is as if he can feel what I feel. But I know there is no way for that.

I wasn't able to hold my tears and control it. I burst out. I cried and almost wasn't able to teach. But thank God I managed to compose myself. I cried for something I am not certain. I do not know if I cried because he accepted my favor, or if would really getting that thing back is all I really wanted; if I cried because I hear from him again after a long time or because I missed him; if I cried because I pity myself for I wasn't able to really move on or because what they say, I am just keeping what I really feel; If I cried because I can feel he will never be back or because I just really can't accept the truth; and If I cried because I still love him the way I love him.

Yes he is right, he just do not know how painful and shattered I am for what happened between us. Yes he is right, it is unimaginable heartache. I am broken in tears as I write and I know this is another blog that truly makes me cry.

If only I can ask God to bring back what He took away from me, I would ask, but I know I can't have that back. Now all I can only pray for is for him to heal me..truly heal me, and to finally find someone who will never leave me and will always love me until the last second of my breath. It is hard to live and love and get broken again and again.

Eleksyon 2010

Casting of votes was over. Transmitting and tallying are almost done., basically in most places except to those who had failure of election. I casted my vote. I've chosen candidates based on my principle and trust. Some won, some lose especially on those major positions. It is somehow disappointing but it is a matter of respect and acceptance to the choice of the many. We have different beliefs and choices that distinguished our differences. I am proud and honored that I made a fight. I always believe that in every fight, it doesn't need to take the victory, because the experience and the fight itself would define the winning. If you really win the position, that would just be a bonus.

It maybe a bitter lost but I hope for a sweet tomorrow to my motherland. This election really gave a good fight for us Filipinos, that despite of the threats and accusations, we still managed to make difference. It is the first automated election in the country.

It breaks my heart.

crying time again. I am out of words to describe how i feel now. All I know I shed another tears today. I am actually crying while writing this.All I know, I am missing him. The whole him who made me feel loved when we were together. I miss how he made me laugh even though I feel so sad. I miss all his ways. I miss him. I hate to be in this place until now. Still loving someone who have betrayed my heart. I love him still though I accepted the truth that he really have to bid goodbye. Ayoko ng umiyak ng dahil sa kanya. Pero bakit paulit ulit pa rin? It breaks my heart again and again.

election is not the problem, it is politics itself.

I believe many of us got sick of the election fever as it goes hotter and hotter as May 10 comes nearer. I believe many of us are tired of the political controversies, advertisements, and candidates' dirty tactics. Election makes all people kind, good, and deserving. Everyone shares smile and friendly to all. Everyone lifts his/her own chair and say, " I am the deserving." Everyone says he/she wants to serve the nation. Everyone says he/she can bring change. All are damn crazy lies because everyone, yes, everyone holds selfish motives for running a public position!

Many of us criticize the government ways. Many of us would throw dirty and rude words to Philippine election procedure or the election per se. Many would say this and that. Many will never be convinced. Many will never believe. Many will just keep on throwing muds to everyone at least not to themselves. Many things are negative.

But I keep on asking, why do people keep on doing these? Why do people keep on pretending that they are not a part of the dirty system? Candidates and their supporter says they revealing things because of their concern to the country and people. I see it the other side, it is not really their concern to the poor Filipinos, it is their great concern to their personal intentions. Of course, if they win, they'll hold power. And if whom they are supporting wins, of course they will benefit. This is the reason why I do not believe that they are doing it for the country. Because at the bottom line, they are doing it for themselves to have an advantage of several political and government position.

And what will happen if they lose the battle? They will say, they were cheated? And what's next? Another EDSA revolution? Another controversies? Another battles in media? Another crimes? Well, these are Filipino ways. Never sport. Never accepting failure. The bad truth about us Filipinos.

It is not the election that will make change. It is not whom we voted this May 10. It is not whom we support. It is no other than but ourselves. Change will only happen if we change ourselves for something good. Change will never be in the hands of Villar, Gibo, Noy, Erap, Perlas, Gordon, Jamby and the other candidates in all positions. It is never theirs. I wonder why people give too much pressure on this election. I will only understand this if these people really wanted to provide change not at least to their pocket and selfish motives. I will only understand if I won't see any lapses to their goals. Or at least, i will understand if they are doing their fair share in making this country a better place through discipline. Moreover, corruption is not really the problem. It is the people who never stop their crab mentality. If only people and politicians will unite, I can see no problem.

Neither the election nor the election procedure is the problem, it is the people who run, who intervene and who do not believe in it make it a problem.POLITICS- the dirty politics that is really in everyone's system that makes things worst. We are in a worse scenario but people who keep on making things complicated make it worst.

you are on my dreams again.

sa kabila ng pagtanggap at pilit na paglimot, marami pa rin ang pagkakataon na nasa isipan ka. Pilit mang ibaling sa ibang mga bagay at tugunan ang ibang mga problema, sadya pa ring kasama ka sa mga bigat ng kalooban. Pilit ko mang isipin at tanggapin ang ating tadhana, ay patuloy kaparing minamahal. Kagabi, mula sa di inaasang pagkakataon, muli kitang naalala. Hindi pa rin kasi nabubura mula sa aking cellphone ang mga mensahe mo mula disyembre.Lahat lahat.Kaya ng isa isahin ko ang mga iyon, di ko inaakalang iiyak ulit ako. OO nga, tatlong buwan na. Tatlong buwan na ng ang tadhana natin ay nagpasyang maghiwalay. Pero bakit parang hindi parin nagbabago yung nararamdaman? Yung pagmamahala at sakit? Pilit lang itong isinasantabi upang maipagpatuloy ang ngayon at bukas. Pero sadya talagang mahapdi ang sakit at sugat ng nasirang pagmamahalan. Sadya paring nasasaktan dahil patuloy ka pa ding minamahal. Umiiyak pa din ako tuwing gabi. Sana matapos na. Ang bigat bigat na. Ang sakit sakit na. Ayoko na. Pero bakit hindi parin ako makalabas at makatakas? Bakit paulit ulit pa rin akong bumabalik sa anino ng ating nakaraan? Sa aking pagtulog, nandoon ka nanaman sa aking panaginip. Sa aking paggising ang bigat pa rin ng pagbangon. Mahal pa rin kita pero alam kong wala na itong pupuntahan lalo pa't wala na akong nararamdamang kahit isang sensyales na gusto mo parin akong maghintay. Sadya sigurong ito ang iyong ninanais. Minsan kasi nasabi mo, bigyan kita ng panahon upang pagisipan muli ang iyong mga prioridad. At iyon na nga ang aking ginawa. Kahit gaano kasakit ang isiping hindi na ako nabibilang sa prioridad ng iyong buhay, buong puso kong inintindi dahil alam kong wala akong karapatan na sirain lahat ng plano mo sa buhay. Isang araw, sana sa paggising ko, wala na rin pati ang mga panaginip ko na kasama ka. Kasi ayoko ng managinip pa. Gusto ko ng harapin ng buong buo ang realidad. Masarap sana na nandon ka sa realidad, pero tatanggapin ko kung wala ka na. Tulad pa rin ng nais ko noon, ang makita kang masaya at kuntento sa buhay. Gusto kitang makitang magtagumpay. At kung iyong nakamit lahat ng iyan ng wala ako, magiging masaya parin ako dahil iyong napatunayan na tama nga ang pagiwan mo. Sana ang nangyari sa atin ay maging daan para maging masaya ka at mapagtagumpayan lahat ng nais mo dahil ayokong pagsisihan ang araw ng hinayaan kitang mawala sa buhay ko. Salamat sa pagmamahal noon. Ang pagmamahal at tiwala ng ibinigay mo ang patuloy pa ring nagpapalakas sa akin sa gitna ng hirap na pinagdadaanan ko ngayon. Dalangin kong mapagtagumpayan mo din lahat ng pagsubok sa buhay mo.

Salamat sa panaginip, dahil kahit man lang doo'y kasama pa rin kita. salamat sa blog, dahil kahit sa munting paraan ay naisusulat ko at nailalabas ko lahat ng saloobin ko para sa iyo.Akala ng lahat ay masaya na ako. ngunit sa gitna ng mga halakhak, ay may nagtatagong lungkot at pangungulila.

you are on my dreams again.

problema

if only i hold my life, i want to rest it. ..in peace. kung pwede lang sana kasi pagod na pagod na pagod na pagod na ako... ayoko na.

Maraming Salamat

Maraming salamat sa "paalam" dahil dito'y natututo akong tumanggap. Maraming salamat dahil tinuruan mo akong maging lalong matatag. Maraming salamat dahil nalaman kong kaya ko pang magpatawad. Maraming salamat at napatunayan kong tunay akong magmahal. Maraming salamat dahil binigyan mo ko ng pagkakataong makilala pa ang aking sarili. Maraming salamat dahil naging bahagi ka ng aking makulay at komplikadong buhay. Maraming salamat dahil nalaman kong marami palang nagmamahal at gusto pang magmahal sa akin.