I started reading a book last night before I sleep, and I just finished it now, the "Nights in Rodanthe" by Nicolas Sparks. At first, I planned to read only few pages just to get my eyes tired and so i can go to sleep without thinking of anything...a sort of way to escape something. But I find myself reading up to the 9th chapter of the book and it took me hours reading it. When i looked at my watch, it was pass 2 AM. I needed to sleep. Soon I got home from work today, I started reading. Reading it in the middle of our yard feeling the gentle touch of breeze that somehow gives peace. And then took me more hours reading it in my room.
The story was never my story. But I've felt the pain of lost shared in the story. I never thought I'll be broken into tears when I finally reached the end. It was a story that portrayed lost, betrayal, grieves, strength, faith, trust, and love. It tells that "It is never too late for a second chance."
I find the story smoothly written. But it gave and left emotions that struck me and call for reminiscing...and then realizing. As what I have been doing now.
I cried because i felt the depth of love and also the pain of losing someone. But that book somehow thought me and made me realize that losing, though may brings pains..immeasurable pains, but at the end of it, there you'll find life for you and for the people whom you can share with.
Though all was over now, except the memories, all I am capable to do is to construct those with infinite care. Ours maybe a story that finds its end and no one but only time can tell how this will close its real chapter. Ours maybe memories of goodness and love shared...of friendship that more than a relationship would wish to have. Ours maybe a happy start but a sad end. There are weeps...There are bumps. There are tears. But ours I know, is a story that seldom happens in every ones life. The end of us may be an end common to all, but I know what we have given in times we were together are one of a kind.
I was hurt and i admit i am still hurting. But this won't do anything or can't bring back what was lost. Crying too cannot hold people when they want to leave. But no matter how I feel, I never said against the person whom I've offered my heart. When people ask me, what went wrong, I find myself saying, "This is maybe what is meant for us."
I think I need to leave everything about us for now. I know this is how he want me to do and what i should do. I'll glimpse back everything when I am ready to face them without hurting. I need to leave not because, I got tired hoping and loving, but I need to leave because i want to preserve the goodness and love we had before. I do not want to end things up with hatred. I would love to leave a chapter in my life where i am thankful for once he have shared his life to me. ...and where I can say, I have loved and learned to forgive.
I know it is never too late for a second chance. If it may not be for us, but at least for myself.
