The day was tough and rough especially when it comes with dealing my emotions. It is really stressful and painful to deal with problems. It is when all you wanted is to be happy but there are things that somehow keeps you holding back. It is not the person that I have lost that hurts me most, it is who I become whenever I am with that person. The josh who become so strong because of the trust and inspiration that I had.
There are also realities that you cannot do but accept. Also, there are people that no matter how you work hard and provide everything for them, they can still find what you can't give. It saddened me that after all the sacrifices, it turns out to be less appreciated. The arguments that I had with my father is something I never want to have. I feel very very useless and unworthy.�
But I am glad that even before the end of the day, I found reasons and ways on how to turn my day somehow to something so sweet and something fulfilling. I passed my comprehensive examination, though it is not really satisfying, but nevertheless, I am still happy because I passed it. I know my situation and condition then when I took my examination so the result is not surprising if I wasn't able to make really high. I just wonder why I had a very low grade in one of my subjects when I expect it to be one of the highest. Well, receiving a 2.0 grade from her really makes me feel sad. The lowest grade I have in my graduate school life. Well, again, I still feel happy for being able to do it.Atleast to graduate on this degree.�
Another sweet kiss of life that happened to me is my baccalaureate mass experience. It is my first time, and I feel being a Thomasian now, a real one. After the two years of struggles in course requirements, examinations and the travel every now and then. I do not have anyplan for my graduation yet. But I hope to have one soon.
Sweet, because of the greetings of so many friends. Ot the thoughtfulness of my closest friends, and also those whom I do not expect. Look at my three facebook accounts (personal, for students, and for joddy's unlimited)., and you have them, plus texts, YM, and email messages. I thank people who loves me and always there to cheer me up. Most of all, I would like to thank my mother, for the understanding and love that she always give me. She is the ice when everything seems hot. I thank her for all the sacrifices that she gives, a testament of her immeasurable love. �I also, thank my father, though we do not sound good today, but still, I love this man so much! And of course, to the apple of my heart, that despite of pain, I still find reasons to thank him. My heart is not hard and hate has no place. I offer acceptance and forgiveness to all who have hurt me, and all I want to leave is a prayer and a wish, that in whatever path they will take, with or without me, I want them to be happy.�
I might have felt incomplete, but I know soon I'll find the missing part in me. I might have lost, but soon, some one will find me. If in times, I might be inconsistent in my words, I hope somehow, people will understand, that what I am going through now, is really hard..It is that there are times I want to be fine, and or I want to feel ok.. but it is not really that easy. I hope people will still understand that to heal a broken heart takes time. And for as long as there is the pain, you will always go back to a moment where you grieve for your heart. I hope people will understand that the love that I have given, is a love that I want to share to someone I would want to be in my entire life; and the same intensity of love that stubbed my heart. I hope people will also have patience seeing me crying and or see me sad. I know, people knew me as a jolly and a sweet girl. I find it hard to share it, but I am trying. Maybe, I just really cant give it to others now, cause I do not have it as of now.�
Today, my natal day, the feast of St. Joseph, from whom I got my name, I want to share and open my heart again...for forgiveness, for love, and for patience. Today, I want to still share my heart to those who need it. Today is my birthday, And I'll be born again... love love love! peace peace peace!
