keeping silent and ignoring everything that concerns me...i do not know how it is possible or someone whom you thought have loved you so much. if only i can do it too. if only i can. I have done it from the very start. I do not know how love fades in just a little time. Is that how shallow is love given for me?
I cry everyday..it is hard accomplishing things especially if you feel so bad. I find myself doing my projects and then suddenly cry. para akong tanga na iniiyakan ang computer. para akong tanga na ako lang ang nasasaktan. I cry not only because i am just hurting..it comes deeper. I cry because I know I lost myself. I cry because I miss myself. I cry because I am broken. It is barely one month since he decided to take our seperate lives. And I want to freed myself from the pain that I have now. I pray a lot. I ask for guidance. I ask for strenght. But I am still stuck and imprisoned with the love I have. the same love that cause me pain.
People might get tired of hearing that I am not fine that is why I always tell them that I am ok...though I know deep inside me, I am almost giving up. As much as i can, I do not talk about what i feel to people now, because they will repeatedly hear me "im in pain". I do not want them seeing me in pain and weak. especially my father. if only he knows what I am going through now, maybe he may understand me. if only he knows that I am almost dying, maybe he will embrace me and cry with me. But i rather keep it to him because I am ashame of having failed relationship again. I am ashame that I lost it. I am ashame of myself. I also do not want him to know because I know he will be hurt too, cause he hevae loved him too. My father accepted him as his own child morethan anyone else before. I am sad.
I still wake up each day feeling so bad and crying and also ends my day the same way. How long will I experience this? Bakit ganito pa rin sa kabila ng pagtanggap ko na wala na talga? Bakit umiiyak pa rin ako? Bakit iniiyakan ko pa rin sya kahit alam kong hindi man nya nararamdaman ang nararamdaman ko?Kung pwede ko lang isigaw lahat lahat. Ngunit hanggang pagsusulat lang ang kaya kong gawin? Sino ba nman ang makikinig? sino ba naman ang magtitiyagang umintindi? wala naman.
Everyday I pray that may God take all th pains that I have kasi punong puno na ko. I want to heal my heart but the irony is, the person who have caused this pain is also the same person who can take it away. i hate myself for still loving him.
