No matter how many times he will ignore me or times he will say goodbye...No matter how people may look at me the way I handle my emotions. No matter how may people will say to forget him..No matter how many times I'll be hurt..I know one thing I cannot control...to continuously love him.
Yes, it is hurting and pains somehow paralyzed my days. But these pains continuously prove to me how much I love him.how much I am willing to understand his ways...how much I trust his decisions..and how much I respect him.
I do not know now, how is he? If he is fine.or if he finds peace..I do not know if giving me up really helps me a lot. I do not know how much I am to him..or if he still loves me. i do not know. Despite of what happened between us, I still care. I still love.
I failed another battle of my life and it is the greatest failure I ever had. It is when you have settled your dreams with him..you have made your plans with him..and then..you'll find losing them..in a moment.. My path seems to be blurry.Though I still find light by what I deeply feel for him. My faith in God helps me a lot. I believe God is just preparing better for me..for him...and maybe for us.
I asked myself, am I ready to be a friend to the one you love? I am always a friend eversince. And now, with this situation, for several days, I ask the same question as I embrace each moments of pain and tears... Am I ready... well..who am to refuse? If I cannot love him as my lover..I can love him as my friend. I realized not to waste the memories we had. I do not want to trash the trust we had for each other. I do not want to leave our story no where. Besides, he is one of the persons who mean so much and I cannot afford to lose.
"Well, my dear giddy..my dear dhie.. I am your friend whom you want me to be. I can be here whenever you need someone to understand you...to support you..to hear your stories.. to celebrate your success or cheer you up whenever you are down. I am just here. Josh will never change. I will always be the same josh who cares for you so much. I am just here. you know where and how to reach me when you are ready. I do not know if you will read this or someone may read this for you.
I am babyjosh...and I am your friend."
