I have to move on..better to move forward...but how?
The past days, weeks, and months..I've been busy. Busy with much thoughts that leads me to nowhere. Busy with so much emotions that almost I cant bear. Busy with so much worries that weakens my faith...Busy..with so much things...
I always think. I always want to predict. I always want to know details. I always want to achieve assurance. Sometimes I think, how much is the benefit of having the ability to think?Of course, it drives you to more things to accomplish...but there are also times that having these will also lead you to thinking so much...worrying much...wandering. I do think much and I wish for times that I do not want to think. I know how it affects emotions whenever thoughts were entertained. I try to control. I want my mind to be blank for a while so that atleast for a while I'll be deprieve of lonelines..of worries..of problems. Lately, I'm trying to ignore more things especially thinking of problems..but then I was caught with ignorance that I failed to see how problems turn to bigger heights. And now, I am lonely...I long for someone... I want to ignore it again for me to be able to do my tasks...but I am afraid that when I ignore it, I will forget about it or afraid that time will come I was also ignored.
New Year, they say, is a time to start anew. I think, this year..I have to start..but now..alone. I know no matter how I want to do it with someone else..it will not be possible since everyone will be busy fixing their lives. I do not know how to do things with their words saying, I'll do it with them. What if, I'll wake up one morning and I'm alone again?
I am just tired doing all stuffs alone. I am tired carrying all burden which are not supposed to be mine alone.I am tired...
I envy those people who cedlebrates Christmas with smiles. I envy people who celebrates New Year together..enjoying... I envy people who do not need to work hard have a better and comfortable life. I envy..but I try to be inspired.
I need to move on and have a positive view of the future..aways from loneliness.. sadness...worries..enviousness... and I should embrace optimism...
How is movng on...moving forward??? No more thinking much...a bit lesser. I should have think of myself before thinking someone else. I should refocus. I should resettle my plans.
I have to start now...no one will help me, except myself...it was proven.
