I feel so tired, sick, and drained. I've been very vocal and expressive with what I feel. somehow, many knows how I do, how I make life and how I face it. But many people do not know that the limit of my patience, hardwork, and hope is approaching me. Soon, I foresee, I may surrender the battle but I for as long as I can, I will fight. Soon, I need to rest. Soon, I need to fill up the lost forces in me.
I'm tired with the way the cycle of life revolves over me. I'm sick with the way people failed to understand me, especially those people to whom I devout my life's struggles. I'm drained with hope that tells me to move on.
My vision of tomorrow isn't clear yet. I have plans...more plans. Yet, I do not know where to start. If I will sum up and analyze my plans, they are not for me. They are for people whom I cared and loved most. The only plan that I have for me is to live a good life with the one I trully love but the rest is for others.
In times like this, I want to be strong. But it is hard to be strong especially when you are not fit to do work.. to study.. to make more for living. It is hard to keep on the track when your body says, you have to rest and you need to rejuvinate your self. I am sick, literally sick. What? That is something I am not certain yet. It is really hard to work, and do other tasks when anytime, anywhere, you will pass out. I am really skinny now. Losing around 5-10 lbs matters a lot.
I thank those who care for me; those who showed concern to what I feel. Thanks Dhie for always reminding me to go to the hospital and have a consultation. Thanks to my Mama whose never tired caring and loving me. Thanks to my Papa for he tried his best to serve me whenever I am sick .I thank those who attended me when I need someone beside me (thanks jhen, stephen, and also chris for being with me when I need to go to the clinic and laboratory). I think if Jhen and Stephen weren't with me, I might pass out anywhere awhile ago. I thank Ma'm Vic for the extending his home for me during weekeneds for my Graduate School days, it helps a lot to save my health and finances. Thanks to you people. You give me strength and hope, which I am about to lose.
I am constantly praying to God to guide me and be patient with my prayers. May He teach me the right path and guide me along the way. I lied when I say I am the same Josh, for I am not the same Josh who holds the strength that the world can offer; I am not the same Josh whose hope and optimism are overflowing; I am not the same Josh who never give up.. cause I am going there.. I am almost there. . .
